


Eyes are the Shattered Windows to Our Shattered Souls

by Theflyinghamster



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Bad foreplay, Choking, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Overstimulation, The Author Regrets Everything, allusions to crimson flower route, also felix is probably ooc, and dimitri, and entirely consensual, and then none at all, big dick sylvain, but not really sexual, eye theme, felix trying to fuck emotional stability into his friends, im pretty sure i got sylvain tho, im so sorry, is it rape if you feel like you deserve it, non con is post time skip, the underage is mostly non explicit, this was meant to have a happy ending, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:08:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21903508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theflyinghamster/pseuds/Theflyinghamster
Summary: Felix looks at his childhood friends and thinks 'Maybe if we were having sex things would be better'He was wrong.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	Eyes are the Shattered Windows to Our Shattered Souls

**Author's Note:**

> merry...crismas?  
> I wrote this in 6 hours and it ran away from me straight into hellbrain angst.  
> if you follow duo of death: im so sorry i just cannot get anything for that fic right. i Will finish it one day. but oneshots own my soul.

Felix spends a long time looking at people’s eyes. This would be a surprise to everyone who knew him, but it was true. It was the first place he looked to discern friend from foe, a blade in hand only the second.  
There were two pairs that puzzled and saddened him.

First, the boar. 

Those eyes looked nothing like the cornflower softness of youth, yes there was a false echo of it but within them was the feral urge to destroy Felix derided the beast for. It was a pathetic imitation of the humanity he once held, but sometimes Felix could see it merging with the beast, creating a new amalgamation that he might be able to call Dimitri once more. 

These moments only happened in the dead of night, cloistered away in bedsheets and bitterness as Felix scoured lines across the boar’s back. Filled with the desperate need for closeness the boar was chasing. Felix always trying to egg him on, to shed that final layer of false humanity but failing. 

It had started when Felix was younger, when he still had hope that something could bring back the boy he once knew. He had confronted the boar during one of the sleepovers his father insisted would be good for the boar, after losing everything.  
Felix had asked some stupid question, nothing new for him, well aware his tongue was a blade much like the one he held in hand. And…something cracked in Dimitri’s eyes. He had seemed so small and scared and Felix did something he cannot to this day reason out.

He hugged the boar. 

When that seemed to bring humanity to the beast, he asked what else he could do, and together they made a mockery of intimacy, nothing extreme, just things a child thinks people who love each other do.  
A kiss here, a kiss there, a stray hand.

It had evolved from there, never failing to bring a softness out in the beast that Felix wished would stay but no matter how much of himself he gave over, by morning light it would be like he was just another one of the boar’s ghosts. 

Nothing. 

Just another phantom for the prince to worry over.  
-  
Second, Sylvain. There was the gleam of a traitor in those eyes, for all he talked about women Felix had never seen Sylvain speak with any true warmth in his voice or eyes when it concerned his conquests. 

They were in an inn, making their way to the academy for the first time and Felix decided to. Try. Just as the day was winding down and they were on the verge of getting ready to sleep.

“Have you ever…done it with a man?” That sounded natural? Right?

By the wary look in Sylvain’s eyes the answer was a resounding no, that was the most awkward question ever.  
Felix was overcome with the urge to run away and live his life as a sellsword but Sylvain was answering him anyway, so perhaps another day.

“Hmm…never really thought about it? Not much point for us is there?” It was a challenge.  
“…I have.” And there was genuine shock in those eyes.  
“When? Who? W-what was it like?”  
Ok. Upper hand time.  
“Why? Are you curious?”  
“Yeah! I wanna know when the hell you put your sword down long enough to grab some other guy’s.”  
“If you must know, it was last year. With…” Ah. This was actually harder to admit then he thought. Even as a means to an end. “…the…boar.” Ok. It was out. Time to-oh.  
He broke Sylvain.  
“YOU AND-“  
“Don’t announce it to the world idiot!”  
“BUT-Ok. Ok. I’m cool. I’m calm. The Calmest. Yes. But seriously you and the prince? How did I not notice?” 

Simple, it had been building up since they were 14 or so. But that wasn’t what he was angling for at the moment. Not if he wanted to see if giving himself to Sylvain would help bring back some humanity to his eyes.  
Yeah.

“It just. Happened. I just wanted to know if, if you had…done anything like it?”  
“I-uh. No. No, I’ve only ever done it with girls. What was it like? How did?” Sylvain seemed lost for words and reconsidering his worldview. “Hahaha…sorry that’s a bit.”  
“Do you want to know?” Felix looked off to the side, unable to let Sylvain see his eyes. “I…wouldn’t…be averse to…with you…” Every phrase a struggle but. It would be worth it. It had to be. 

Felix looked into Sylvain’s eyes and could basically see the thoughts running through his brain, realising the reality of what could happen that night.  
And yet, the words came out softly, as if unconsciously. “Yeah.” Seemingly coming back to himself “I mean. If…it’s okay.”

Ok. He’s in, now to pull this off. 

Walking over to Sylvain, who was sat on the edge of the inn’s bed, hands placed behind him, Felix sat himself on Sylvain’s thighs and draped his arms around Sylvain’s neck.  
He could see a fear in Sylvain’s eyes, but the fear of breaking a treasured vase. Something precious. Like a friendship.  
Looks like Felix would have to take the lead here, much unlike Dimitri’s fervent desperation for intimacy which often overwhelmed Felix with emotion.  
So, he kissed Sylvain. Sylvain opened his mouth in shock and Felix took the chance to lick into it, drawing a broken moan from Sylvain’s throat.  
Felix grinded his hips towards Sylvain’s making sure that he’d remember who he was about to fuck.

Ah. Sylvain was hard. 

Grinning into the kiss, Felix drew back, gave Sylvain’s lower lip a bite before taking his own shirt in his hands and taking it off, exposing his naked chest to Sylvain.  
A fire came into Sylvain’s eyes and Felix found himself thrown to the bed with Sylvain hovering over him.  
And, god, never mind his thoughts of having to take the lead, Sylvain was attacking his neck with sharp kisses.  
Moving downwards Sylvain began biting at his chest, tweaking his nipples and shit it made him feel like a girl but with Sylvain’s knee massaging his dick Felix knew there was no way Sylvain was losing sight of him.

“Y-you’re so. Fuck. Felix.” The extent to which Sylvain was into this just made Felix’s dick throb in his pants.  
Felix lets out a breathy laugh and then “You’re about to.”  
Sylvain whines. As if they very thought of fucking Felix was enough to get him off. Damn.  
Sylvain took a second to strip himself of his clothes and Felix used the time to wiggle out of his pants.

Holy shit.

So. Uh. So, there’s the reason girls jumped into bed with this guy.  
Was that even gonna fit? The thought of being impaled on that thing, Felix felt his stomach clench in anticipation.  
The haze of arousal couldn’t last long as he saw Sylvain freeze and panic come over his eyes.  
Sorry Sylvain but this wasn’t as simple as fucking a girl.

“In my pants pocket, oil.”  
“R-right.” Sylvain takes the oil out and. Holds it.  
Felix sighs. Time to take charge again.  
“On your fingers, one at a time, in me.”  
Felix opens his legs, feeling the innate heat of shame he always feels when submitting to this.  
Sylvain takes a breath and Felix can feel a slick finger breach his hole. Felix decides to not be an asshole and push back on the finger to help Sylvain loosen his asshole. 

Wow. This was why he needed to get fucked soon. 

Failed comedy aside Felix urged on “Another. P-please.”  
The hand Felix could feel braced against his ass shook. Yep, begging was a good idea.  
And yeah, now that there were two fingers in his ass Felix could feel the haze of arousal take over his brain. “H-harder.” Gotta help.  
Words were becoming more difficult as he felt Sylvain stumble across his prostate. And he let out a frankly embarrassing whine.  
All of a sudden, he was empty and chasing the loss.  
“Did that hurt? I-im sorry.” Oh, for fuck’s sake.  
“Idiot. It was good. Great.” 

Felix decided that enough heterosexual nonsense was enough and flipped the two of them, so he was sitting on Sylvain.  
Yeah, he wasn’t anywhere near loose enough for this but what’s a little pain gonna do? Probably just make him harder.  
He bit savagely at Sylvain’s neck and relished in the shocked sound it brought out.

He took Sylvain’s dick in hand and lined himself up and yep. Fuck that was way too big. Just the head was in and Felix was already feeling pinpricks of tears in his eyes.  
“G-grab my hips-ah. So, I don’t fall.” There was no way he was impaling himself on this lance.  
He was halfway down the shaft when Sylvain remembered words existed.  
“You’re so good. Shit. Taking me so well.”  
Felix let out a shockingly loud moan at the praise, which once again proved to be a mistake as Sylvain lost grip on his hips, leaving Felix to indeed fall onto the rest of his dick.  
Felix never figured himself a screamer but hey. Here he was, sounding like he’d just been stabbed because he got dropped onto an unreasonably large cock.  
Tears streamed down his face and Felix fell forwards onto Sylvain’s bare torso.  
“W-what? Felix did you just-“

Ah. Shit.  
He came. Just from that.

“S’alright k-keep going.” And that was a shit idea, with him being oversensitive from cumming so early but Felix never claimed to have good ideas.  
Felix could feel Sylvain pulsing his hips up but remembered that this was Sylvain’s first time fucking a guy and this wasn’t exactly the easiest position.  
“Fli-flip me. Easier.”  
Surprise coloured Sylvain’s eyes.  
“You sure?”  
“Yeah.”

And once again Felix felt the mattress of the inn’s bed against his back, but this time Sylvain was fucking him, quite hard at that.  
“Fuck, you’re so hot. Way better than a girl.”  
And Felix felt his dick resurrect itself and his legs part even further  
He faded out of awareness until he felt Sylvain’s thrusts growing uneven.  
“G-gonna…where?”  
“Mhmm…you can do it inside.”

Apparently, that was the right answer as he was rewarded with a sloppy kiss from Sylvain as he felt the hot wetness of cum inside of him.  
Sylvain pulled out and Felix could feel cum pouring out of him. Sylvain had apparently noticed Felix’s still hard dick and started jerking him off.  
He came on his own stomach pretty quick, still oversensitive from the fucking.

And then they were left to lie in the weight of their actions.

Maybe Felix could’ve left it at that but, if he let Sylvain pretend this had never happened, it would break any relationship they’d ever have.  
“Better than a girl, huh? I turned you onto guys or just me?” If it was men in general than, well. Shit.  
“Dunno, might have to fuck you a few more times to find out.” Progress.  
“No one else? Not some common boy who’d drool at your crest?” If this became something Sylvain did just the same as women, then this whole exercise was a failure.  
“Haha…no. Just you, I think. Is that…okay?”

Felix laughs, letting out the tension that he’d been building up. “Yeah. Sounds good to me.”  
_  
It still didn’t help.  
Sylvain was real whenever they fucked but the second dawn came it was like it never happened.  
The academy was an exercise in knowing the limits of his body.  
One night he was being gently fucked by a beast in human skin, the next brutally fucked by his best friend. His room was left for nights of rest, when practice had worn down his body too much for any level of sex.  
More than that, Felix could feel the futility of his actions as the days went by.

The boar still pretended to be the prince.

Sylvain still fucked common women like he was at a brothel. 

Felix still fucked both of them like a common whore.

Ingrid began to notice.  
-  
It happened on a random day. Probably a Tuesday.  
Nothing good happened on Tuesdays.  
Ingrid cornered him in a disused classroom, a relic from days of larger school populations.  
“There’s something wrong between the three of you and I want to know what.”

It wasn’t a question.

“Shut up, I don’t have to tell you anything.”  
“But you should. Because I can help fix it.” Arrogant.  
“No. You can’t.” How to stop her questioning him like this? “Its been going longer than you can help.” Shit no.  
“How. Long.”  
“Since…Glenn died.” It was true in a way, really it had started 2 years later but it never would’ve happened if he was still alive. If Glenn hadn’t died Dimitri would still be Dimitri who didn’t fuck Felix, and Sylvain might not’ve ended up like he had, also fucking Felix.

And Felix?  
Wouldn’t’ve become the Felix who tries to fuck the emotional issues out of his friends.  
Wouldn’t’ve become the type of person breaks himself down in futile efforts to hold onto the past.  
Shit.  
Felix ran.  
-  
At some point they must’ve spoken.  
Felix had made sure that the boar had no idea he was fucking Sylvain and Sylvain only knew he had fucked the boar once.  
Neither of them should’ve known he was fucking the other every other day. 

But they were both sitting on his bed, about as undressed as noble propriety could stand.  
“What’s going on?” Felix asked, like an idiot.  
Sylvain spoke up first. “When you said you and his highness had fucked, I thought you meant it was a one-off but imagine my surprise when he told me he was worried he was being too hard on you when you fucked.”  
The boar carried on. “You weren’t…okay. I thought Sylvain could offer advice because of his experience but…I…didn’t expect him to tell me you had been...intimate. Since before we all came here.”  
“What’s going on here Felix. Surely you expected this to come out.” Sylvain, stern.  
“It’s-neither of our relationships were…romantic but this is.” Dimitri, sad.

Felix, fucked.  
And not in the fun way.

“…” He couldn’t find the words. How the fuck is he going to explain this and why does he feel like he’s been caught cheating. He felt sick, like he was going to cry, like everything he’d tried to build for the past few years was crumbling in front of his eyes. “C-can’t…”  
He couldn’t breathe.  
Dimitri tried to reach towards him, but Sylvain caught his wrist before he could get up.  
Something about that made Felix’s stomach clench.

“I thought it would help.” That didn’t sound like his voice, too soft, scared.  
“Why.” Sylvain still sounded so hard but, looking into his eyes Felix saw nothing but hurt. “In what world would fucking us and lying about it help anything?”  
“Y-you don’t! I-it was your eyes. Both of you. I thought- you looked better, happier, more like when we were kids. While you…fucked me.”  
Sylvain seemed to find this hilarious. “Seriously? You always give Ingrid grief about holding onto the past but this? You fucking hypocrite. You didn’t give a shit about us, just what we used to be. I’m done. Highness?”  
“I-I’m sorry Felix but…I can’t do this.” Di-the boar was almost crying.

And Felix was alone.  
-  
Of course, he had to go crawling to Ingrid.  
He could sense the smug on her.  
“Now will you tell me what was going on?”  
And so, he did.  
-  
And then war came.  
And Felix saw what the beast within Dimitri truly became.  
-  
Dimitri no longer carried that fake humanity in his eyes, only a feral sadness Felix felt he had contributed to.  
“What do you want?” A beastly growl.  
“I don’t know. Not this.” 

A hand grasped his throat and pushed him against the wall of his old bedroom.  
“You did. You wanted to draw out some semblance of what I was and am, well this is what you get. You don’t get a fucking choice anymore.”  
And he kissed Felix in a way that more resembled assault.  
“I knew you couldn’t love me, but I thought that in some way you still cared and that’s why you did what you did, but I know now it was just for your own greed.”

And Felix couldn’t defend himself, not knowing what to say even if the hand around his throat hadn’t been slowly crushing his windpipe.  
“So, one last time Felix, and then I never want to see your face again. Go follow Sylvain and join Edelgard’s army for all I care.” 

Ah.  
That’s why he hadn’t seen Sylvain around Garreg Mach, not even when the Professor had returned.

A traitor’s eyes after all.

Dimitri pushed him down onto his old bed, smaller and dustier than he remembered. Fabric teared and cold air met Felix’s bare skin.  
A hand on his shoulder seemed to hesitate a moment and then Felix was pushed facedown, a hand on the back of his head keeping him in place.  
“I don’t wanna see your fucking face.”  
There was nothing left of the boy Felix has once known. And for the first time in a while Felix felt tears flood his eyes.

But he didn’t fight.

There was no foreplay, no gentleness of the past Dimitri or even the brutal sex he’d had with Sylvain. At least he’d always try to loosen Felix up.  
This was just fucking.  
The scent of blood found Felix’s nose as he screamed into the pillow he’d once soundly slept on. In a room where he put himself together after nights of trying to fix what could never be healed, he was torn apart body and soul.  
A beast’s grunt and cum filled his stinging hole.  
A door slammed.

And Felix Hugo Fraldarius broke.  
-  
He heard rumours that Dimitri himself cut Sylvain’s head off.  
He heard rumours he’d had it mounted on a pike where the rest of the blue lions could see, a reminder of the consequences of treason.  
He heard rumours that Dimitri regained his humanity.  
He heard rumours that Dimitri had married Ingrid, the only two of their original friendship group to stay steadfast.  
Rumours mattered little to Felix, he had done what he should’ve done years ago. Cloister himself away at the Sreng border and kill every soldier that dared come close.  
None remained at the Fraldarius manor, left to rot. Felix lived in the wilds, living as the beast he once thought Dimitri to be.  
-  
Several years into the reign of the Saviour King and his Knightly Queen a package made its way to the palace.  
It was a Tuesday. Nothing good every happened on Tuesdays.  
Inside it contained a single, familiar sword.

It was thrown into the same mass grave that held the remains of Edelgard’s armies.

**Author's Note:**

> UM.  
> YEAH.  
> If you follow me on twitter (@aflyinghamster) you would've seen that I said and i quote "i Will end this with a threesome. I Have To." end quote.  
> and then Felix couldn't figure out how to fix that argument. I spent a good two hours trying to think his way out of that and realised that no, this was broken.


End file.
